


about falling

by strifescloud



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Developing Relationship, In a sense, M/M, Multi, Some angst, hand-holding and forehead kisses, kaz works too hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 11:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5742442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strifescloud/pseuds/strifescloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaz has been holed up in his office for days, running himself into the ground by working non-stop.</p><p>Ocelot can't seem to drag him away, their relationship still too new and fragile, both still wary of trust. But Snake is what brought them together and perhaps, with Snake's help, they can begin to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	about falling

**Author's Note:**

> writer's block is the real phantom pain.
> 
>  
> 
> WOOOOHOAAAAAAAAAH  
> WORDS THAT KILL

“Ocelot, sir.”

Ocelot didn’t look up, gesturing for _whoever it was_ to wait with one hand as he rapidly scrawled notes onto the page in front of him. His headset was abuzz with intel, slivers of information that his team was already working to piece together. The world’s greatest puzzles, laid out on paper for them to solve.

“Sir, I need your help.”

Sighing in frustration, Ocelot removed his headset, dropping it on the table as he turned to face the interruption. His eyes flicked up and down the soldier’s form, taking in the uniform, the equipment. Security, not one of his intel team. Curious.

“What can I do for you?” he drawled, a hint of impatience in his tone. This intel was _important_ , he needed to get it sorted out before Snake got back from Afghanistan.

“It’s, uh, about Commander Miller.” Ocelot’s gaze sharpened, his attention successfully piqued. The soldier looked slightly nervous.

“You’re one of Miller’s guards,” Ocelot said, recognising the man’s face, “so I assume he wants something?”

“No, sir, we uh,” he swallowed, evidently still nervous, “we decided to come to you ourselves.”

 _We_ , Ocelot noted.

“The Commander hasn’t left his office in _days_ , sir. He’s barely even talked to us! He just keeps,” he made a helpless gesture, “I don’t know, _working_. He won’t take the food we offer him and I don’t think he’s even sleeping.”

A pause. “And you think I can help him.”

“He won’t listen to us, and the Boss isn’t here. We didn’t know who else to ask.”

Ocelot’s gaze flickered back to his intel, but his mind was already made up. He stood, gesturing to one of his own staff to take over from him.

“Alright, I’ll talk to him.” The soldier’s tension visibly dissipated as Ocelot began to walk.

“Thank you, sir, thank you!” He trailed behind the other man, following him to the command platform.

“Don’t thank me just yet. If he finds out that you were the one who came and got me, he won’t be happy about it.”

* * *

They stopped in front of Miller’s office door. The other guards looked very relieved to see him, Ocelot noticed. He gave them a short nod as he stepped forward, knocking sharply on the metal door.

“Miller. It’s Ocelot.”

There was a stretch of silence, long enough that Ocelot was considering just entering anyway, before Miller spoke.

“Come in.”

Stepping inside, Ocelot was struck by the uncharacteristic _mess_ that was strewn about the office. There was barely a meter that wasn’t covered in files, and Kaz – Kaz looked _awful_ , the absence of his aviators revealing dark circles under his eyes that contrasted sharply with the unhealthy pallor of his skin. Ocelot hadn’t spoken with him for days, having been busy with Snake’s intel and mission support. Had this been going on the entire time? Had Kaz _slept_?

Ocelot remained silent, his eyes trained on Kaz’s face as the other man slid his aviators back onto his nose. How far could he push? Their burgeoning relationship was still too fragile for Ocelot to approach Kaz the same way he would Snake. He knew where he stood with Snake, their relationship now as familiar and easy as breathing after so many years.

But Kaz and Snake had their own understanding that Ocelot was yet to discern, and as for Kaz and himself, well – they had come together over their shared love for the same man. The inexorable thread that tied them both to the Boss had bound them together as well, two and two becoming three, caught in a pull as unstoppable as the tides.

Yet despite their shared feelings Ocelot rarely spent time with Kaz without Snake to hold them together, struggling to learn how to trust someone who wasn’t the man he’d devoted his years to and knowing Kaz felt the same. They had come to care for each other, yes, but they had yet to truly explore what they could become, held back by a war-born wariness that was second nature to them both.

In spite of that fragile, still-forming bond, the relationship the three had begun to share was a welcome respite for them all, a light in the darkness as they forged their bloody path towards revenge. But for all its warm comfort it was far from perfect, Ocelot knew. There were things they still needed to talk about, topics they had to stop avoiding if they wanted this to succeed.

Perhaps, Ocelot mused as he eyed Kaz’s trembling grasp on his pen, this was one of them.

“What do you want?” Kaz sighed, the pen dropping from his hand in a way that looked almost deliberate if you weren’t paying attention. Ocelot was always paying attention.

“Hadn’t heard from you in a few days, so I decided to check in. Guess you’ve been cooped up in here the whole time, huh?”

“So what if I have?” He challenged, his back straightening slightly the way it always did before one of their ‘disagreements’. Some things never changed.

“Miller…” Ocelot relaxed his stance and stepped forward, his tone softening as he corrected himself, “Kaz, you can’t do this to yourself. You need to sleep, at least. Eat something. Go-“

“I’m _working_ on important documents for our next operations. I don’t know what it is you do in the Intel platform when you’re not teaching our soldiers to spin guns around, but this is what keeps Diamond Dogs running.”

Ocelot was _not_ going to rise to the bait. He was not-

“Not all of us can spend hours on the shooting range at our _leisure_.”

“I’m sorry that you feel that training our _military operatives_ to hit the damn target is a waste of time-“

“-if you think those fancy tricks of yours help anyone’s aim-“

“-because prioritising hand-eye coordination in training-“

“-if you’ll excuse me I have _important_ work to be-“

“You’re more important than some damn paperwork!” Ocelot didn’t yell, but it was a near thing. Kaz scoffed, but looked vaguely surprised. “It’ll wait a few hours while you take care of _yourself_ for once.”

“I very much doubt that,” Kaz picked up his pen, but hesistated, “although…your concern is appreciated.” There was a ghost of a wry smile on his lips. “There’ll be time enough for rest when our work is done.”

Ocelot knew when a conversation was over, but he didn’t have to like it. He left the office without another word, boots tapping sharply as he stalked down the hallway. The guards shot each other glances as he left – they probably had heard the whole thing – but he paid them no mind.

He returned with a plate from the mess hall, leaving it on a relatively clean surface in the office with nothing but a pointed glance in Kaz’s direction. As the sun set he returned again with a pillow and blankets – which Kaz _interestingly_ lacked despite a very suitable couch in his office – which he deposited in a similar fashion. The food was untouched. Kaz didn’t even seem to have _moved_.

Another argument would have been futile, Ocelot knew, and if he pushed too hard he could shatter their fragile relationship. Dusk was falling over Mother Base however, and if he left Kaz to his own devices he would likely work all through the night. Watching the last rays of sun dissipate on the horizon, Ocelot cleaned his revolvers and turned the situation over in his mind, the methodical actions helping him to focus. He’d think of something.

* * *

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a helicopter approaching in the distance. Apparently Snake was back much earlier than he’d expected. Perhaps, where one had failed to draw Kaz away from his desk, two could succeed.

The landing pad was quiet when he arrived, the soldiers now accustomed to the comings and goings of their Boss. Snake was still sitting on the edge of the transport, legs swinging slightly as he checked his iDroid. Ocelot couldn’t help but smile at the sight as he approached.

“Welcome back.” Snake looked up, his own faint smile forming in response.

“Ocelot,” he rumbled, hopping onto the concrete in a swift motion, “how’re we doing?”

“Everything’s fine, Boss.” He’d tell him about Kaz later. “Morale is higher than ever, and we’ve got some new intel for you. Should help for that next job you were thinking of taking.”

“Good.” Snake seemed uninjured, to Ocelot’s relief. He shook himself out, dog-like, and a cloud of dust fell off his frame.

“How was Afghanistan?”

“Sandy.” Snake grumbled, displeasure evident as he scrunched up his face. “I want a shower.” Ocelot followed as he headed to his quarters, a comfortable silence stretching between them. Snake said _less_ these days, though Ocelot could still read his body and face like an open book. He was gentler perhaps, more sensitive, choosing his words with greater care. The years had changed them all.

Ocelot waited on Snake’s bed for him to finish his shower, leant against the wall as he flicked through the other man’s iDroid. It was a good enough opportunity to download the new intel. He remained engrossed in the holographic screen as Snake emerged from the bathroom, drying off his hair and throwing the towel vaguely in Ocelot’s direction.

Snake took a seat opposite Ocelot, brow furrowed as he tried to tie his hair back up. Ocelot looked up when he made a soft hiss. His hair was stuck in the metal joints of his left hand. Snake looked rather put out.

“Let me….” He trailed off, hopping up from the bed to untangle Snake’s hand from his hair. He continued combing the damp strands with his fingers after they were freed, drawing them back and taking the hairtie off Snake’s other wrist. Snake remained silent, sensing that Ocelot had something to say.

“I’m worried about Kaz.” The plain truth was often the best way to go, he guessed. He continued to brush the hair back, trying to make sure the ponytail was centred.

“Kaz?”

“He’s been holed up in his office for days.” He could feel Snake relaxing under the attention, even as his focus sharpened at Ocelot’s words. “Hasn’t eaten, hasn’t slept. Says he’s doing ‘important paperwork’. Don’t see what’s more important than his health, but he didn’t take too kindly to me saying so.”

Snake rolled his shoulders when Ocelot removed his hands, hair successfully tamed.

“Not a matter of just not leaving, either. The food I brought him wasn’t touched.”

Snake tilted his head slightly, his expression shifting. He was pleased, Ocelot realised, that he and Kaz had been drawn to each other the same way Snake was drawn to them both, but the news had him concerned.

“Right. Let’s go.” Snake grabbed a shirt, putting it on and striding out the door, Ocelot following out of instinct.

“To Kaz?”

Snake grunted in affirmation.

The guards at the door snapped textbook-perfect salutes when they approached. They were different guards, but Ocelot had no doubt that they were aware of the circumstance. The relief in their eyes was telling.

“At ease.” Snake went to knock, but paused. “Give us some privacy.” The guards scattered, not willing to either disobey or be caught in the argument that was likely to ensue.

Snake rapped twice on the door and entered immediately, Ocelot trailing behind him. Kaz was _still_ writing on those damn forms. Did Diamond Dogs even have that much paperwork, or was Kaz making it multiply somehow?

“Kaz.”

“Snake. You’re back early.” Shades firmly in place, Kaz almost passed for someone who wasn’t completely run into the ground.

“The mission was simpler than expected.”

“I see.”

The ensuing silence was tense enough that even Ocelot – who revelled in tense silences during his _special_ work – had to fight the urge to fidget uncomfortably. The other two were staring intensely at each other, a moment passing between them that Ocelot still couldn’t understand.

Kaz’s stare seemed implacable behind his shades, but Snake looked as if he could see through them anyway – could see through him.

In the end, Kaz looked away first, back down at his desk. Snake sighed.

“What is this, Kaz?”

Kaz’s grip on his pen tightened, white-knuckled.

“How many times do I have to _explain_ ,” and Ocelot was positive that Kaz’s glare had shot to him for a second, even if his head remained unmoved, “that I am working. I have work to do.”

“Is it worth killing yourself over?”

Ocelot whipped his head around to stare at Snake now, because apparently for all his newfound reticence the man hadn’t lost his damn insensitive bluntness.

“That’s what I see here, Kaz. I see you sacrificing yourself over some damn paperwork that dozens of other people on this base could be doing.” Kaz remained silent, his gaze averted. “You don’t have to do that. You’re choosing to.”

Kaz looked up again, challenging and _angry_.

“Sacrificing myself? I’m working so that _none_ of our lives will be sacrificed! How many of our men lost their lives nine years ago? How many of their corpses are lying on the ocean floor?”

Ocelot moved closer to Snake, but they both remained silent.

“And what did I lose?” Kaz looked down again, scoffing, before resuming his tirade, “An arm and a leg? I’m still alive! I can still do this much. If I do it myself, and I make sure it’s done right, maybe…”

He swallowed, trailing off. Snake’s eyes were still trained on his face.

“So you run yourself into the ground? You don’t eat, you don’t sleep? That’s going to help them?” Snake asked slowly, an undefinable note of emotion in his voice.

Kaz remained silent, his defiant stare unchanging.

“You can help them,” Ocelot finally said, voice soft but filled with conviction, “you can, but not like this. Not when you’re so tired and starving that you can barely even make out what you’re reading.”

Kaz turned to face him now, and Ocelot wished he could read the other man’s expression.

“And…you don’t have to do it all alone.” He took a deep breath. Here was one of those things they hadn’t talked about yet. “Trust us. Trust us to help you.”

He knew, and Kaz knew that he knew, that Kaz trusted Snake unconditionally. There was another plea there, a hand extended, because Ocelot still had no idea if Kaz trusted him.

Another long silence fell over the room.

Finally, slowly, Kaz nodded.

Snake moved over to the desk, offering a hand as Kaz rose from the chair. He wobbled a bit, unsteady with hunger and fatigue, and Ocelot moved to his other side, handing him his crutch and placing a reassuring hand on his back. Kaz didn’t protest, allowing himself to be shepherded out of his office and towards Snake’s quarters.

* * *

When they arrived, Snake fixed Kaz with a very firm stare.

“I’m gonna get you something to eat, and you’re gonna eat it. All of it.”

“Okay, Boss.”

Snake nodded, then turned on his heel and left, heading to the mess hall.

Ocelot helped Kaz change into something more comfortable – Snake’s clothes, soft and well-worn but hanging off his frame in a way that made him seem fragile, almost. He also rid himself of his various belts, tossing his shoes and socks somewhere on the other side of the room for tomorrow. Finally comfortable, Ocelot sat down next to Kaz on the bed, almost touching but not quite.

He rarely saw Kaz without his aviators. Ocelot was abruptly struck by how beautiful he was, even like this. He almost didn’t hear Kaz speak, his voice soft and tentative.

“It’s easier to just...work. You don’t have to think about anything except what you’re reading. It...it helps.” Kaz looked up at him, searching his face for understanding.

“Tomorrow,” Ocelot murmured, equally soft, “you can go do as much paperwork as you like, we won’t stop you. But that couch of yours looks very inviting,” He let a hint of teasing enter his tone, nudging Kaz lightly with his elbow, “so maybe I’ll just have to join you. Finally get my own paperwork done.”

There was a weight in his chest that was lifted when Kaz finally smiled back at him, faint but with an echo of his own humour.

“It’s a date.”

Ocelot felt his own smile widen slightly. Cautiously, he reached out to grasp Kaz’s hand with his own, tangling their fingers together with as much gentle care as he could muster. He was met with no protest. Kaz looked down at their joined hands for a long moment, expression pensive, before he spoke again.

“Thanks, Ocelot.”

“Adam.” Ocelot blurted before he could help himself. Very few here aside from Snake even knew his real name, but this felt…right. Inevitable, perhaps. “Well, Adamska, but…just Adam.”

Kaz’s sudden answering grin was _brilliant_ , like witnessing the first rising of the sun.

“Thank you, Adam.”

Snake returned then, a heaped plate of food in one hand that he immediately deposited onto Kaz’s lap. He planted a gentle kiss first on Kaz’s forehead, then on Ocelot’s, shuffling on to the bed behind him and wrapping his arms around Ocelot’s waist. He rested his chin on the shoulder in front of him, watching Kaz as the other man finally began to eat.

Satisfied that Kaz was taken care of, Snake let out a jaw-cracking yawn, drawing closer as Ocelot tilted his head to lean against Snake’s.

“Tired?”

“Mm. Very.”

“You shouldn’t stay gone for so long, Дорогой мой.” Ocelot murmured, his own fatigue beginning to set in.

“I know, I know.”

They stayed in comfortable silence until Kaz finished his food. He set his plate to the side, looking back at them with a soft, fond smile. Ocelot reached out to him, taking his hand again.

“Stay with us tonight,” he was interrupted by a yawn of his own as Snake hummed in agreement, “so that we can make sure you sleep properly.”

He let Kaz think it over, practically seeing the thoughts process on his face.

“…Okay.” Kaz nodded, seemingly realising that he was saying yes to more than just one night. “Okay.”

Snake – who managed to divest himself of all but his pants in record time – flopped into the middle of the bed, groaning in satisfaction at finally getting to rest. Kaz crawled over him, taking the space between Snake and the wall, his own sanctuary. Ocelot took the time to stretch, appropriately cat-like, before he took his place on the edge, one arm dangling off the bed as he sprawled over the available space.

Their sleep that night was dreamless, their hearts content.

**Author's Note:**

> the fic writing aesthetic: googling cute russian endearments (i like to think that ocelot 'reteaches' boss/venom russian in tpp ok its cute) and listening to the mgsv bionic arm tape like 20 times for dialogue inspo  
> HONESTLY ok i struggled so much with this and then when i finally finished it my internet went out so im just taking this chance to upload it while i have a sliver of wifi available
> 
> you can kind of read this as a prequel to 'you are my shelter' if you want, i know they're kind of similar haha
> 
> as always please come join me at strifescloud.tumblr.com where i like to think more about mgs characters learning to trust each other and having really gentle and tender relationships with HAND-HOLDING


End file.
